When newly divorced, it’s hard to imagine that you and your ex-spouse will ever be civil with each other again. Divorce is tough to navigate and is usually accompanied with hurtful conversations and guilt. All past emotions can lead you to act in ways which put your feelings above the needs of your child. Divorce might put an end to the marriage, but it doesn’t end the commitment of parenthood, which is forever. Keep moving forward by simply focusing on what you vowed to do from the start: putting your child’s needs first.
You might have an “ex-partner” but you never have “ex-parents.
According to statistics, kids who’ve lived through strenuous splits are more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression and self-esteem issues, and are more likely to drop out of school. We need to remember that your child is genetically 50% you and 50% your ex. Therefore, if your emotions, actions, and demeanor are negative toward your ex, what is that telling your child who is a part of them?
Working at minimizing divorce-related trauma starts with the initiative of communicating effectively. Communication with your ex is essential, and information must be shared mutually about your children.
Moving forward with love for your children and a civil friendship with your ex both contribute enormously in staying on a child-centered path to conscious communication. This combination will create harmonious co-parenting to concentrate on building healthy, mutually beneficial relationships.
7 Things You Can Do Right Now to Communicate With Your Ex without the Drama
- Focus: On your child’s needs and co-parent as a team. Do not get distracted by your ex’s negative behaviour. Your child needs one parent as much as the other. Let your child have access to both parents freely and put your child(ren)’s best interests before your own.
- Hold Criticism: Do not criticise, argue or badmouth the other parent in front of your child. Avoid blaming and accusing the other parent. Don’t take things personally.
- Respect: Have a business tone when greeting each other in front of your child, or at school activities, pick-ups and drop-offs. Be professional and respect each other’s choices.
- Communicate: Avoid starting your sentences with “You Should” or “You Always do”. Be coherent and brief when communicating your child’s needs. Consider your words carefully, take deep breaths and stay calm.
- No Popularity Contests: Do not try to outdo the other parent by buying all kinds of electronic toys, sporting activities and etc. to become the “favorite” parent. Build a team as much as possible.
- New Companion Respect: Use fair play with the other parent companion; do not bad mouth or demise the new partner. Do keep your ex-spouse informed about changes in your life circumstances.
- Be Optimistic: Drop the drama. The more you focus on the drama the more you will attract drama. Set aside any differences and be optimistic. Become a positive influence and communication with your co-parent will become easier. Life does get better
When you begin to model positive attitudes, productive behaviour through conscious communication with your ex-spouse will occur and your child(ren) will thrive.
We all need to remember that when you deliberately aim to hurt the other co-parent with damaging words and actions; you hurt your child as well. Ponder your words carefully. Consider the examples you are setting for your child and convey a positive attitude for others in the mix to do the same.
Anna is a first person advocate for Co-parenting in Harmony. As a child of divorce, stepmom, and now a proud Nana, she has 30 years of personal co-parenting experience. With her multiple certifications; Anna illuminates your path to interrupt the negative patterns and create positive changes with a focus on enhancing your family life harmoniously. Anna is a Certified Master Coach Practitioner who specialises in Co-parenting and is an International Best Selling Author: Co-Parenting in Harmony: The Art of Putting Your Child’s Soul First. Anna offers solution-focused and collaborative approaches for challenges of co-parenting and stepfamily life. To learn more about Anna’s work, check out her https://www.annagiannone.com/.