Having children is a gift and a miracle. It’s a privilege to be loving parents. We all have goals to create beautiful dreams as a family together. The Primary importance is when a couple decides to move in together, their objective and optimistic mindset is to do it right the first time by their children. They promise they will make things work.

Navigating a break-up or separation and engaging in conversations or interactions with the other parent is challenging. Ending a relationship is torture. Understanding what happened takes time; the emotions are so profound. Parents not only say goodbye to their intimate relationship but also to full-time spent with their children, their lifestyle, the dream of a happy union or marriage, their home, their social circles, and so much more.

They are grieving so much loss with so much pain. No matter how much worrying is done, the future will still come. The past stays in the past. Wallowing in these emotions only causes unnecessary emotional and mental pain. Be optimistic about today; what’s happening now is now the moment. This is how Co-parents can be optimistic about their situation and focus on their children’s best interests.

How do Co-parents, through their separation or divorce, navigate their children’s events together? With an optimistic mindset. The same mindset you had at the beginning of your union. When you have an optimistic mindset, you often look on the bright side of things despite challenging situations. Co-parents can continue to keep their promise to do it right the first time for their children. Separation or divorce does not delete family and parenting. As a reminder, the only thing ending is your intimate spouse-lover relationship. Optimism is a lovely quality to have or to start to develop. It helps to ease the pain and see life through a much more stressless window.

What to do?

Begin with accepting that grieving is normal and that you will have your unique way of healing. When you reflect on past mistakes and do some self-assessment, have self-compassion for yourself. When you can admit moments that you weren’t acting your best, liberate yourself from the pain of your past to stay in the present moment for yourself, your children, and the Co-parent.

Optimistic co-parents navigating a child’s milestones and events don’t consume their energy in worries and distress about what might happen next. When some difficulties or misunderstanding arises, Co-parent’s reflex is to be solution-oriented and focus on finding new ways to solve the problem to avoid awkwardness at your children’s event. Yes, there will be moments in the Co-parenting relationship that will be challenging, and it will be so easy quickly to get angry at the other parent. However, when you turn on your optimistic mindset, you understand these are not obstacles but more challenges. When you start to see that the glass-half-full to stay grounded and rational, finding solutions will be more accessible; it’s a question of perception of how you perceive these obstacles. Always remember, it’s about your children, children’s needs first. It’s not about you or the other parent.

As you both become better at solving problems or misunderstandings, you gain confidence in yourself and your skills and, eventually, become more rational and better at finding more solutions. Your children want to see their parents greet each other in public. Your children want to be able and not live in fear when they see both parents at a hockey game or gymnastics. They can talk freely in public and not worry that they will be scolded later for showing their love. On the contrary, Co-parents must act respectfully to each other when you are both around at your children’s event.

Optimistic Co-parents do not compare or compete themselves and badmouth the other parent in front of their child. You don’t feel the need to put the other parent down because they are focused on your children’s needs and becoming a better version of themselves.

Show your children you will always be there for them and care for them. This allows the child to be fully present in their special event without being preoccupied with how their parents will act in public. So your children will not need to manage their parent’s behaviour, and this will allow them to have and be fully present at their event on their milestones with a happy heart and profound smiles. Help them shine and spread their wings.

Don’t shy away from giving them hugs and cuddles, and say more often I love you when the other parent is around. Be there in person, in peace with yourself. At the event, you are there for your children. Please give them your full attention, and stay in the present moment.

Through your children’s milestones, there will be many events as they grow older and into adulthood.  Be the optimistic Co-parent. Help your kids be at ease at their event and don’t have to worry about mom or dad’s behaviour that an argument might occur. Your child will feel so stressed, not enjoying their event. Don’t spoil their special day; it will create a scar on their hearts, which they will remember forever. They don’t deserve that.

After all, you are both your children’s parents. You will always be in their lives forever. Don’t judge the way they do things. Try to see everyone in the mix in a positive light. An optimistic personality is a welcoming personality.

An optimistic Co-parent has nothing to prove; they are at peace with themselves and the situation. At their children’s event, they are in the present moment and even conversing with the other parent. When you change, everyone else around you changes.

Make this your mission to spread and promote positivity within your family and see how it will create a ripple effect.

There’s a once-in-a-lifetime to live childhood; parenthood is forever.

I am Anna Giannone, a first-person advocate and founder of Co-parenting in Harmony. Certified Master Coach Practitioner – Co-parenting Coach. I guide divorced parents to navigate the rugged terrain of co-parenting. If you’re ready to take the first step toward working with me as your Co-parenting coach, you can schedule a complimentary call with me.