How is your co-parenting arrangement working out? Is it moving forward? Backward? Stuck?

Are your outcomes outstanding?

I’m wondering… how do you view your co-parent? Ally or adversary?

However you answer, honesty with yourself is critical. Your honest answer will help you understand the co-parenting relationship you presently have. And understanding your present is key to changing your future.

Now, if you answered ‘adversary’, you are not alone.

But consider this: your co-parent is the only person on this earth who loves your child(ren) as dearly as you do. With that perspective, remember that your co-parent can be an asset in working towards a harmonious ‘new normal’ for your family.

Following divorce or separation, a partnership with your ex-spouse is typically not your first thought.

And that’s understandable.

However, if you keep an open mind and persist, you will find new ways of thinking. Ways that alleviate stress, invite peace and put the focus on what truly matters – your child(ren)’s well-being and best interests (not to mention your wallet!) for a brighter future and peace of mind.

If you are feeling stuck and living in a high conflict situation with your ex-spouse, I will be honest with you. It will be difficult to transition to co-parenting in harmony. However, I have discovered what worked for my own family and the many co-parents and stepparents I have coached. I truly believe it can make a big difference for you too. It can be done with help and persistence. I know. I’ve lived it and done it!

Below are 6 valuable tips to help you feel supported and build the courage to shift, restore, resolve for outstanding outcomes and to move forward towards your ‘new normal’.

BUT FIRST! Before approaching the tips below, take a moment to clear your mind and shift a key mindset. Let go of the intimate partnership with your ex-spouse. Make the shift from spouse-partners to parent-partners.

This mindset shift is critical to establishing a business-like partnership for outstanding outcomes. Remember, business is business. It’s a must to put a lid on our emotions, stay cool and be careful how we say things to the other parent. I cannot express it enough: stay respectful, courteous and be a team player.

Tip 1:     Use extra effort to control your emotions. Keep your emotions neutral and personal life private. For example, commit to no drama, no sarcasm, no criticism, no blaming and not acting as victim.

In practice: Yes it does require effort. I suggest take deep breaths and not letting yourself get distracted from the main focus of the conversation. Child focus only!

Tip 2:     Imagine how you would react in a professional setting with a colleague you are not on the same page with. In this scenario, the relationship with the colleague is mandatory in order to stay employed. You need to find a way to work together.

In practice: See the other parent as a co-worker. Use a business-like tone and words by striving for a neutral tone of voice, attitude and body language. This plays a big part in achieving a business-like partnership.

Tip 3:     Focus on your common project: your child’s needs! Keep the former-spouse relationship separate from parent-partners relationship.

In practice: Your common project as business partners is to raise your child together. The same tasks that needed to be done prior to the divorce still need to be done, but now in a 2-home arrangement. Stay child-focused.

Tip 4:     Pick your battles. Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Resolve peacefully disagreements.

In practice: Keep going with the deep breaths. Be calm, polite and diplomatic, just as you would in negotiating and closing a business deal. Stick to the task at hand and leave emotions out.

Tip 5:     Establish consistency. Have your child ready for pick-ups and drop-offs when transitioning from one house to the other. Make it peaceful and organized.

In practice: Like attending a meeting, it’s important to be prepared and on time. This builds trust as business-like partners and in being loyal to your child.

Tip 6:     Enjoy your time with your child. Be the best parent you can be.

In practice: Keep the focus on enjoying your time together and guiding your child through life. This time is precious. Don’t let negative thoughts and emotions about your ex-spouse rob both of you of the life you deserve.

Follow these tips and you will begin to thrive and move forward in your life and co-parenting.

If you choose just one tip and commit to it, it will begin to relieve stress and guide you on the path to a business-like partnership in your co-parenting in harmony arrangement. It will surely help alleviate some lingering pain resting at the surface and help you focus on what truly matters: your child’s best interests and your own peace of mind.

As I often say, LOVE YOUR CHILDREN MORE THAN YOU DISLIKE THE OTHER PARENT.