In marketing, we often hear the words location, location, location. The reference for this is usually location-based marketing that allows organizations to target consumers. Marketing teams can reach consumers based on qualifiers like proximity to a store, events happening in their region, and more.

The location I am referring to is not about organizations or retailers. It’s about finding a new location after a separation or divorce. One of the most complex parts of divorce is that life changes. It is a significant lifestyle change and transition into new parenting roles.

Suppose parents share physical and legal custody equally. Here, both are equally responsible and involved in decision-making to act in the children’s best interest. A working relationship with your former spouse becomes essential in this new lifestyle. Many parents feel that the first year of separation helps minimize the impact on everyone and that the original family home and neighbourhood can provide the children with an important sense of continuity.

Before moving: Weekly transitions

Before moving to the new city, parents must discuss and answer essential questions. Who moves out? Both parents? Where to? Is the new location safe? Are there public or private schools nearby? What about accessible Day care? Can both parents be available for emergencies? Parents must be ready to travel, take part in school meetings, their children’s extra activities, and more. Who will do most of the travelling, and how far are parents ready to travel for pickups and drop-offs? A peaceful continuation of a stable and well-adjusted home environment will help children adjust successfully.

What is the minimum distance required between the two homes? Are the parents’ residences nearby for the children to walk or bike, or will they need transportation to travel between the homes? Ideally, both parents should live near enough so the children can travel independently between homes, promoting a sense of security and balance. Relying on others to make travel arrangements and drive can be less desirable.

Alternatively, the parent who left home may wish to sell their house to pursue a new one. Keeping the old address is recommended for at least the first year. If a move is necessary during the first year, it is important to keep the children in the same school unless they are already unhappy. Plan to move at the end of the school year. This will minimize disruptions for the children.

Minimizing significant changes can make life easier for both parents and children.. Shared parenting custody, where children transition from one home to another weekly to adjust to a new climate change—the re-entry process. Many emotions are involved when saying goodbye to one parent and hello to the other parent. The physical separation hurts. Many miles mean no way to hug; the parent is separated from the child, and the child and parents feel this pain. Children love, want, and need both parents. Both parents, with or without custody, are essential to their children’s well-being and healthy development.

Moving away is the next most significant change that involves grief emotions for everyone in the mix. It is filled with the intensity of flashback emotions, even stronger by the enormity of the change. Any major move away from the area will change your relationship with the other parent and your child.

The early stages

At the early stages of the separation or divorce, in the short term, it could be a temporary solution for the parents not to live so close. They are still in pain and need to heal. However, there is plenty to consider before moving.

I often hear this ongoing issue with my clients when the weekly transition of travelling occurs. It can be an ordeal that one parent or both struggle with, and it becomes a crisis. The child often misses seeing the other parent or taking part in weekly activities. Find your best transition situation where your child doesn’t feel stressed and their routine is not interrupted. Ensure they get a balanced meal and feel at ease transitioning from one home to another and that all parents are fine with that.

A heightened sensitivity to their children’s individual needs and their level of development and experience must always guide parents’ decisions. Any significant geographic move by one parent is going to affect the children, as well as the other parent. It is one of the most challenging, heartrending decisions a parent may have to make or be powerless to stop.

My example of co-parenting

We bought a house in a different city. The travelling time was 15 minutes by car. From the start of our transition phase, we consciously took on the responsibility of travelling for our child’s school meetings, extracurricular activities, winter and summer sports, and any other events that arose—regardless of whose parenting week it was. When one parent couldn’t attend, the other would take part.

My bonus son never missed out on any activity. We didn’t want to create anxiety for him. As he got older, he could take public transportation, which dropped him off practically at his other parent’s doorstep. We all felt safe. This allowed us the time to have golden rides. Children love to talk in the car. We shared beautiful moments.

Children want to be seen and heard. To see the other is to recognize them as someone similar to you. It means more than seeing the other physically. Take a loving look inside your children with understanding, acceptance, and connection. Children see half of mom and half of dad inside them. And the part of the other parent you dislike, your child feels that energy.

Learning how to adapt

This new lifestyle for families is learning how to adapt and make a second home with strong ties to extended families and friends where the children are loved and protected. Children will never forget a parent. Each child is unique. When deciding where your new home will be and how far it is from the other parent, the most significant change your children will have to make is being with one parent at a time. They will have to cope with their longing for the parent who is not there, less time with each of you, and for some, rarely having both parents together in one place at the same time.

Creating a ripple effect for healthy family life and children who will thrive. This is worth all your efforts. They are a part of you. Co-parents accept where you are now with an optimistic attitude and tell your children that when you see them.

I am Anna Giannone, a first-person advocate and founder of Co-parenting in Harmony. Certified Master Coach Practitioner – Co-parenting Coach. I guide divorced parents to navigate the rugged terrain of co-parenting. If you’re ready to take the first step toward working with me as your Co-parenting coach, you can schedule a complimentary call with me.