Co-Parents Celebrating the Holidays Across Two Homes: A Journey of Love and Harmony

The holidays are often a time of mixed emotions—joy and excitement for some, and anxiety or sadness for others. In the early stages of divorce, co-parents may find the season especially overwhelming, as emotions run high and there may be lingering resentment. While sharing time with a child between two homes can be painful at any time of year, it can be particularly heart-wrenching during the holidays, when families long to create magical moments together.

However, the holiday season can also be a time of healing, growth, and new traditions. It is an opportunity for co-parents and children to find peace, embrace love, and create new family dynamics that nurture everyone’s well-being. When approached with love and understanding, the holidays can be a time of serenity and joy, even when celebrated in two homes.

Embracing the Spirit of the Season for the Whole Family

The holidays are meant to be a time of connection, love, and tradition. For co-parents, it’s important to remember that the season is not about the challenges of separation, but about coming together to honor the children, who deserve to feel loved and secure in both homes. This is a time for parents to put aside their differences and focus on creating a peaceful, joyful harmonious atmosphere.

To help ease the transition for children, it is helpful to plan ahead—ideally at least a month in advance—and communicate those plans clearly to everyone involved: the children, parents, grandparents, and extended family. This preparation creates a sense of stability and allows the entire family to feel connected and supported and are all aware of the path.

While there may be moments of sadness as children adjust to the new dynamics, understanding and compassion will help them feel safe and loved. Acknowledge their feelings and reassure them that, even though things may look different, they are still surrounded by love. Be sure to maintain communication between your child and the parent they are not with during the holidays—whether through a phone call, text, or video chat. A simple hello can provide a sense of comfort and connection and know they are not forgotten. The need of being seen by their parents.

The Power of Unconditional Love

Children love both of their parents, no matter what. They carry the love of both mother and father within them, and they feel deeply for each of their parents, even when they are apart. Some children may feel a sense of worry or sadness about being away from one parent during the holidays, so it’s important to reassure them that everything is okay. Let them know that they are loved, and that both parents will be okay, even if they are celebrating in different homes. Offer them peace of mind with plans for future contact and remind them of the joy they will experience with both families.

As I reflect on my own experience, I recall the moments more than 30 years ago when I sat at the same dinner table, sharing a meal with my husband’s former spouse and the extended family. It takes maturity, respect, determination, courage to celebrate the holidays with a former spouse. But when we put the well-being of our children first, we create an environment where they can thrive, surrounded by unconditional love and harmony.

Cultivating Healthy Interactions for the Sake of the Children

Healing and growth often require us to challenge our own beliefs and expectations. Sometimes, it is necessary to do things we think we cannot, all for the unconditional love of a child. When we focus on healthy interactions, we create an atmosphere where both children and parents can experience harmony and joy.

Here are some tips to help co-parents celebrate and enjoy the holidays together:

1. Listen with an Open Heart:
   Children have deep emotions that they may struggle to express, so it’s important to listen actively. Whether their ideas seem simple or unrealistic, be present for them. Listen with an open heart, understanding that they need to be heard and understood.
2. Seek Understanding:
   What is your child truly expressing through their words and actions? Sometimes, children may not know how to articulate their feelings, but they need comfort, reassurance, and love from both parents. Ensure that they feel loved without guilt or shame.
3. Be Flexible:
   Embrace the idea of flexibility. Shift your mindset from being a spouse-partner to a co-parent. The more open and flexible you are, the more likely it is that you will find a way to create a harmonious experience for everyone.
4. Create Joyful Traditions:
   If decorating is something you’ve never done before, the holidays are a wonderful time to begin new traditions. Decorating together, whether it’s making simple paper chains or picking out ornaments, can bring joy and foster a sense of togetherness.
5. Be Proactive in Managing Expectations:
   If you’re not particularly fond of the holidays, don’t wait until the day itself to address your feelings. Planning ahead and asking for help can make the experience more enjoyable for everyone, reducing stress and encouraging a spirit of cooperation.
6. Focus on Your Child:
   Keep communication between you and your former-spouse brief and focused on the needs of your child. If your former-spouse brings up issues related to the divorce, remain calm and avoid engaging in conflict. Be polite and respectful, and save any other discussions for later.
7. Put Differences Aside:
   The holidays are a time to set aside differences and focus on the bigger picture: creating a loving and stable environment for your child. Always act in a way that shows your child they are loved, happy, and secure.
8. Stay Calm:
   Maintain a peaceful demeanor, especially in front of your child. Negative comments or body language will only increase anxiety for everyone involved. Stay calm, composed, and respectful.
9. Avoid Criticism:
   Criticism only breeds negativity and stress. It’s essential to refrain from criticizing your former-spouse during the holidays, as it will only make things more difficult. Instead, focus on creating a joyful atmosphere that promotes peace.

Celebrating the Holidays with Love and Harmony

Ultimately, celebrating the holidays across two homes is a choice. It’s a choice to embrace love, peace, and harmony, and to be mindful of the emotional needs of your child. By focusing on the joy of the season, and approaching it with a positive attitude, you can create a holiday experience that is full of smiles, laughter, and cherished memories.

Let’s make this holiday season about fun, love, and laughter. The holidays are magical, and through our conscious choices, we can spread that magic, one co-parent at a time.

To all the amazing co-parents out there, cheers to joyful and peaceful holidays! We encourage you to share your stories and experiences with others, as we learn and grow together in this journey of love and healing.

I am Anna Giannone, a Certified Master Coach Practitioner , Certified Co-Parenting Coach/Facilitator and the 2 time bestselling author of Co-parenting in Harmony: Creating A Ripple Effect© and Co-Parenting in Harmony: The Art of Putting Your Child’s Soul First© . I am also a proud loving and nurturing bonus mom (stepmom) and a passionate Co-Grandparent, Nana. I love my entire blended family.