A crucial step towards harmonious co-parenting is adopting a new communication style with your co-parent focused solely on effective parenting.

Start by acknowledging that co-parenting revolves around the children, ensuring both parents play secure roles as heroes and role models in their lives. Your new language should exclusively address the children’s needs and convey only what is essential.

Reflect on the past: as intimate partners, your love language was naturally understood through your voice and behaviour. However, as divorced parents, this language can now be perceived as hurtful, resentful, or vengeful, often met with resistance.

This is why co-parents must adopt a new communication style that allows all parties to refocus on effective co-parenting. Moving forward, remember that being kind to your child’s other parent is much easier than always being angry and miserable.

Starting afresh and building new communication habits will significantly reduce adversarial approaches and create a healthier environment for your children.

As a co-parenting coach, I believe adopting a new communication style is essential to strengthen your co-parenting relationship and keep your children’s best interests in mind.

Here are a few steps you can take toward the following goals:

  1. Replace “my ex” with terms like “my child’s mom/dad” or “my child’s mother/father.” This small change emotionally detaches you from your past spouse-partner relationship, fostering a more effective and less emotional parent-partner mindset.
  2. Avoid accusatory phrases such as “you should,” “you always,” and “you never.” Instead, use “I” phrases to encourage healthy dialogue, mutual respect, and effective communication with your child’s other parent.
  3. Always refer to your child as “our daughter/son” when speaking to your co-parent, emphasizing shared responsibility.
  4. When discussing activities or time spent with the other parent, refer to it as “at mom’s/dad’s home” when talking to your child. This models respect towards the other parent and encourages your child to reciprocate.
  5. Express gratitude with phrases like “thank you” or “yes, of course.” Small acts of generosity can transform difficult situations into reminders that both co-parents are on the same team for their child’s well-being.
  6. When facing schedule changes, respond with flexibility and compromise, such as “Sure, happy to do that” or suggesting alternatives that work for both parties. Emphasize that decisions are made in the best interest of the child.
  7. Respond promptly and kindly to messages from your co-parent, acknowledging receipt and setting expectations for follow-up. This simple act of kindness fosters a positive environment and prevents misunderstandings.
  8. Address challenges with your child collaboratively, avoiding blame on the other parent. Instead, brainstorm solutions together respectfully.
  9. When discussing decisions involving your child, use phrases like “Your mom/dad and I.” This reinforces to your child that both parents remain actively involved in their lives.

Adopting a new communication style promotes healthy conversations and sets a positive example for the entire family, fostering harmony in co-parenting. Practice and embrace this mindset, showing how positivity and kindness can transform your family’s present and future.

I am Anna Giannone, a first-person advocate and founder of Co-parenting in Harmony. Certified Master Coach Practitioner – Co-parenting Coach. I guide divorced parents to navigate the rugged terrain of co-parenting. If you’re ready to take the first step toward working with me as your Co-parenting coach send me an email to schedule.   www.annagiannone.com